What shall I say about my day 04?
Everything pretty much the same …. Just me and my secondborn, missing my firstborn but he was with his bio dad. By the time he reached home I can see he has not been sleeping well, so quickly put him to bed….
Communication with my love became lesser. He have his duty hours and all I do is wait for the time he knocked off duty. When he knocked off he have to rush on his lunch, wash up and have his rest for about 4 hours before start his duty again….
I feel like I get emotional and cry easily when I am alone… When I do, my secondborn being so dear, he would come to me and say “no no” and try to wipe my tears. How can I not cry harder? Ya Allah.
This is not suffering, this is just my healing process. I realized I do get better. My mood to do things is slowly picking up. To keep myself busy, I clean things up even if it’s a bit. When usually he was around, I would layback a little bit on the household chores. I don’t eat much like I used to for now… Eating alone is a pain process too as all along we have never skipped having meals together…
I know I can do this, in time to come, he’ll say I will be immune to it… Will I? Cause I was never a clingy girlfriend to anyone before but with him, I just want him to be by my side since the day I was with him. Whether I like it or not. His presence makes me feels confident. His presence makes me feel I will be protected. Now I feel I am fragile, I don’t wish to step out of the house other than for work….
But I have to, at times, take a little walk, meet my in-laws and family, for the kid’s sake. I have to have a healthy mind, especially for my upcoming baby princess.
Praying is one healing process. I cry to the one and only to heal my heart, to keep him safe, to protect my family, to give me strength…
Till then, I am just happy that he is safe everyday surround with good people….