Just put the boys to bed and I thought of writing this piece of my thoughts…..
Just when you thought it will get better, but when you are mostly alone, it gets harder…
The moment I fetch the boys, I started to shed more tears … (Yes I know I have promised myself not to cry…)
Cause usually around this time, I would rush home, either I know I have someone waiting for me. Or if he comes back later from work, I know it will be around 745pm or earlier. I never really express this to him but everyday I am always looking forward to see him open the front door. Everyday. And he will be greeted by his boys. Seeing the boys so happy when he came back makes me feel happy. I am, myself happy that he is back home safely from work.
Now coming back to an empty house, spending the nights with the boys alone is not doing me any good for the time being. I thought my minions would keep my mind occupied. But, ya allah, every single thing I do with them reminds me of his presence.
Just like earlier, was cleaning secondborn ears after shower and I cried buckets. Cause this was his routine with his son.
Ya Allah! This was never a one or two day thingy and then you will be fine. I guess it will take alot of me to adapt to this changes. ALOT!
This is just the beginning…..