Back to the Week

Assalammualaikum Wr Wb,

A thought just came to me- you will never have a quiet morning once you have children and to enjoy quiet morning like NOW….. feels so good.. I hope it lasts…hehehe

We had a good weekend with the humid weather…

On Saturday, woke up early before anyone does to have a quick shower and prepare the children’s stuff to go out for princess circumcision!!! Yay, it was done. Alhamdulillah, everything went well. Came to the clinic a little bit later and it was already packed with people. Husband went to park the vehicle while I make the “grand entrance” to the clinic with 2 active toddlers and baby.

The boys were all over the place and the clinic was a small one. So while waiting for registration, I was going “hayden no, don’t stand at the door, adam please, come stand here , hayden stand here *within seconds he went for the door again*, hayden no, come here please”. I was making a twirl of full circles cause a minute they were at my front, another they would be at my back. And I could feel eyes piercing at me, observing me on how I am handling the boys with the baby. BUT…. I don’t care… LOL. 

One nenek sitting asked me “are they your kids?” With a smile, I said proudly, yes they are…

As much as I would like to get rid of them someday – okay.. joking.. I won’t… hehe… they are still my blessings. So we waited for 2 hours. Went for lunch, came back and then waited a little bit more. But the doctor was such a warm person, did the circumcision professionally and also we decided to pierced her ears. Oh Boy , I was scared just looking at the gun.. I know I can endure pain and I pierced a lot more than I should before, but with my girl, I go all jelly… Boy did she cried.. but she is strong, it was only for a while. After which, she went back to sleep and wasn’t cranky. Alhamdulillah.

Yesterday we just went to Suntec for late lunch and hang around, played some arcade games and went to Big Box to look for a storage for the boy’s toys actually but we could not find the right one. I ended up buying a new shoe for myself. And the rest of the night went well… Alhamdulillah.

Today I was planning to go to the Zoo, but I guess from the weekend outing I needed a little bit more rest in the morning. Send the boys to school and put princess to sleep, VOILA, here I am just finished my breakfast and typing….

I am supposed to design something for princess’s cukur rambut berkat but I am not inspired yet hence no ideas what I want to do… Everything is almost settled. Initially from wanting to order catering and berkat, in the end, my in-laws will be cooking – love love love their cooking, they cooked for our wedding and received alot of compliments and also will be doing some DIY berkat for the guest. Nothing special. A simple one. Left a few days more for the big event.

Updates on my husband’s sailing schedule, this time around he was given heads up that he will be signing on to the vessel on the first week of May. Which means in a week or two. We will be missing ramadhan and hari raya for this year. And he will also missed Hayden’s 2nd Bday.=(

Some things are not meant for us to control…

So this week is going to be a busy one, May Allah ease our affairs.

Till my next better piece…

You gotta love what you do, else stop what you’re doing…

Assalamualaikum Wr Wb

Alhamdulillah, I have recovered from a sudden flu & cough with slight fever. I was really weak and the need to feed my little princess with not enough rest makes me feel even worse. But I told myself that I need to fight this bug for the kids. With me being sick, with them being active. NO CAN DO. BUT… alhamdulillah, with his Will, I am well on the 3rd day.

The week has been nothing but me planning on my next new step for my “not so established” home based business. Yes, I have a full time job but everybody needs a sideline – well at least I think that I need it. For the family sake.

I started out after my first childbirth, when I had to take 2 months unpaid leave as I could not find any other alternative/arrangement to look after my son at that point of time. Imagine without salary and NO ONE to support your finances. It started out as a wholesale, I only have like one or two orders but the manufacturer quota was like 10 items or something. So I had to fork out on my own finances to process the orders. And believe me, I know NUTS about financing the money. Naive girl I was back then, wasn’t I?

Then I stop doing the business after I am able to support myself and my boy with just my monthly salary. Alhamdulillah, I seek help for the financing of his school. When I was pregnant with Hayden, I changed my old business FB Page from selling dresses and short skirts to selling Hijab. I wanted to change cause I want to do something that would benefit others. Like the hijab, the piece of cloth –  is like helping a sister to cover her “aurat”. I still have sisters who will PM me and tell me that they just started off and needed my help in showing them how to wear my product, which I am more than happy to help each time. Alhamdulillah, it went strong and then business was slow again. I have faith that when there is rezeki, it will come. I have to wait, not force it.

I changed my supplier again and after so long, business was really really good. I mean reaaaallly good. It kept me awake till like 3am or something to finish unpacking, packing and label the items my customers. It all started so well. But there is one thing which I neglected. While business was doing well, my relationship with family was distant. I leave the boys to my husband. I spent more time replying to customers than talking to them. No surprise that business went down. No BERKAT, you may say it. Redha. Until I found out about my 3rd pregnancy, that’s when I thought I wanna stop. It was slow till now but alhamdulillah as and when, surprisingly I still have orders. I don’t mind as it is rezeki right,  even though I did not update my FB page for so long.

So now, I have a new supplier that have one stop service for me. Whereby they’ll prepare raw material catalogue for me, they will sew my design and with my very own label. Thinking hard about this and I really want to make this right.I do enjoy doing this business, even thought it has its ups and downs. In sha allah, things will go right this time around. 

As for now, I am just waiting patiently for my sample to arrive next week, in sha allah.

To end this, a simple quote which I thought for myself..

“You gotta love what you do, else stop what you’re doing”

Which I always believe you will find happiness in doing the things you love. Waking up in the morning everyday, during the rush hour , just to get monthly salary which is barely enough to sustain before the next one & complaining all day about having tons of work or about the attitudes at work, is something that MOST people is doing now, including myself. Alhamdulillah that I have a job while maybe the people at the other end of the world is praying for. But I know that I can do more than just sitting at the desk , at times doing nothing. That time is so precious , I can do so much more.

This is the reason why I allowed my husband to go back to sailing. As I can see the happiness in him whenever he talks about sailing while office jobs is just mundane for him.

And I also believe whilst we are separated for months, our bond as a family is renew during each return. In sha allah.

May Allah SWT keeps us strong as a family.

Till my next better piece…..

DIY

Assalammualaikum Wr Wb,

It’s coming 2 weeks since the husband returned home.Yes… he was only offshore for a week and I requested him to return as I really could not control the situation at home emotionally.

I was constantly angry with my firstborn and I know it was not healthy for both of us. I was dead tired at night. Constant two hours feeding Herra and the boys request to do milk. Keep on waking up. With all three, honestly I need some time to adjust since the princess came out.

Since I am under confinement, I request for him to return. Now he is contacting his office for another vessel. Hopefully by then, I can handle everything just like before.

As mentioned, we were busy planning for the princess’s cukur rambut. Almost all settled except for venue. As recommended by in-laws to do a small one under the void deck as it is more airy.So we will get that settled, in sha allah tomorrow.

So… The other day we did some DIY upgrades to the empty wall on our living room. We spent about 4 hours doing it at night. Yes I know I should be resting…. But we need to get it done ASAP…

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SHOUT OUT to my husband.

Thank you for doing this little things at home while you are around. Thank you for always – ya know in malay called “layan karenah”. I know it is my idea but you go all the way out. Everytime & always. I know I have not been much of a help that night as princess keeps waking up, I had to stop helping you and attend to her. 

The finishing

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3D effect Brick Wallpaper..

Having own house is constantly about changing. We can’t have some things like the way it is for 10 years. So in time to come, there will be more upgrades, in sha allah when we are given the rezeki.

Wallpaper bought at Carousell for only $40 each. We enquired alot through other sellers but boy~ were they expensive… nearly agreed on a $200 plus deal. Alhamdulilllah, we manage to get two rolls on the day itself.

Initially I wanted the same design but in white/beige combination as my wall is already in lighter grey. The seller confirm my orders but then gave me a wrong colour BUT she said once we put it up, it will turn white.

HAHA. Big joke. That’s the only thing that is negative about the seller. Other than that the wallpaper turns out nice.

So that’s about it.. DIY upgrade which cost us $90 with alot of hardwork and love from the husband.

Till my next better piece….

A month ago….

Assalammualaikum Wr Wb,

I have typed quite a story about my labour but I remembered that I’ve given snippets of it before and I don’t wish to repeat myself.

So…. a month ago, this little angel is born.

I named her Herra Ameera Binte Idris.

Herra = Beautiful

Ameera = Princess

So sad that I could not find any reference to have Herra spell in Jawi as it is not an Arab word. But as long as it has a meaning behind it. 

I noticed, with her, I am more protective. I get quite uptight if I saw pictures of her posted on social media by other family members except for my husband – but obviously I could not do anything. I don’t post about her that much unlike what I have done with her brothers (or maybe I am not into posting on social media that much now)

Me and my in laws is busy planning for her Majlis Cukur Rambut which will take place on 01st May 2016, in sha allah. So excited… never done this for the boys before… 

In Sha Allah everything will go as planned… 

As for now, as time passed unknowingly, princess is already a month.

May she grow to be a beautiful person, inside out.. aamiin

Till my next better piece….

Expectation

Assalammualaikum Wr Wb,

I have been meaning to write something but always end up doing other things which left me with no time to write once the boys is back. I felt like I have been unproductive since I started my maternity leave.

Wake up when the boys wakes up, pack the boys’s school bags, ate breakfast, nurse princess – if she does not fall asleep I would shower her, nurse her again if she wants. When she sleeps (always praying she would sleep a little longer) – I would cook, have my lunch, nurse her, put her to sleep and I would end up sleeping as well or watching some videos to keep me entertained (in the end I would regret this, should have taken a nap as well). And the rest of the day is just resting and nursing.

Nursing – or people know it as breastfeeding, takes a lot of you. Not to mention that automatically 500-700 calories is burn, you get tired and dehydrated. Every 2-3 hours throughout the day. So I guess, I am NOT ALL unproductive since I am providing the best for the princess. Alhamdulillah, she has been latching well. But I hate it during growth spurt (like the past few days). She would feed and vomit. And this continues for a few days. She will sleep lesser, always wanna be on top of me or cuddle. So…. growth spurt will last for a year I guess…. can’t run away from it…oh wells…..

Okay.. enough with the babbling..

The other day, my Eldest Adam was watching youtube on the ipad and he said he wants to watch “Mcqueen” – a character from the movie Cars. So I was busy nursing the princess and I told him, okay you press for me “C”and he literally showed me all the wrong letters.

He is upcoming 4 years old, honestly as a mom, I am more laidback and I don’t push my children in doing anything. I don’t join the “oh my child can potty train at age of 1 years old” or “oh my child can already speak simple words when he/she at age 1 yr and a half”. club of mummies.

I believe that every child has their own abilities and capabilities. They have their own pace too. Adam’s words were not that clear when he was 2. But of course as a Mom, I do understand him and I repeat using the correct words so he will know. My secondborn, Hayden, can already speak clear words (ATLEAST) at the age of upcoming 2 now.So every child is different. The difference is that Hayden was in school earlier than Adam. Initially Adam was in school but I have to pull him out as I was shifting to my in-laws. And he was looked after by our neighbour for a year. And when we finally got a place of our own, both of them join the new school.

Okay, so back to where I was….

I got SHOCKED that he does not recognize the alphabets. Shocked, sad, angry & confused. Like ~ doesn’t he learnt anything from school? He is in Nursery, shouldn’t they be more focused on teaching the children alphabets, phonics or whatever it is they called it nowadays. So I feedback to the husband about this. I am really really worried that I started to think is it me not giving him attention or is it himself? So I did raised my concern to the mummies forum/page. They said it’s normal and I should give him time…

So now I am trying to embrace myself in this new thing. THIS will be the next phase of me being a mom. Where knowledge and disciplinary comes from home, instead of letting go everything to the school. Obviously I could not remember at which age I recognized alphabets and numbers, but I do know my parents would stick the Alphabets & Numerical board on my room wall, which I would see it EVERYDAY, which also will lead me to memorizing. (Believe me, I am still bad at maths). So as a parent now, I shall not push them (which my parents does not do it to us siblings and we turned out well) but I would do my part as a parents.

No IPAD for Adam except for weekends. Hayden ~ a leeway for him as of now, but once he reached the same age as his brother, we will start educating him. Already bought magnetic alphabets and a exercise book for Adam.

I guess now to start of our new schedule, I should discipline MYSELF first in getting him to settle down and concentrate maybe say ~ twice a week, and also not to lose my short temper if he does not get it – in this way he won’t get anything in his head and I will be wasting my time and energy.

My expectation for my children is not that high. For this stage, recognizing the letters is important so he won’t be left behind if he starts K1 next year. As a parents, I would want things to be easy for my children. Let them struggle now, but we really do need to TRAIN their BRAIN.

May Allah SWT make it easy for us parents.

Till my next better piece…..

Special Feeling

Assalammualaikum Wr Wb,

It takes a lot of me to on this laptop and to write or update about my situation. I would rather just be isolated in my room not doing anything to forget about the pain.

What hurts the most is missing him a little bit more each day. Days are getting harder, nights is the hardest. Weekends is getting dull. I know I am being negative but I can’t help but to feel this way.

I just wish he would walk in the front door like he never left. He is feeling mundane at the sea now too and he misses home. 

Well, June.. please come fast for both of us…

It takes that special one to believe in you 100%. He believe in me that I can go through the labor pain without any painkiller. He believe in me that I can take care of things at home with the kids and get things going. He believe that I am strong enough.

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But what if being strong is the last thing that you have to be? What if you are tired of being strong? With all the things that is happening, I know it still takes a lot of me to handle the situation in a better way.

I have been scolding my firstborn quite a lot. And I feel sad about it. What has he done? Isn’t he just being a toddler? He is my first born. My first love. My first bond. My first son who taught me to be the person I am today. Who taught me to leave the worse for the better. My first whom I would do anything for. Why am I venting my frustration on him?

Astaghfirullah. 

I pray for a better day each day, but I am not making each day better for myself and for the kids. I have not been pumping milk well as I believe due to stress I don’t feel much of engorgement. Also, princess has been latching on non-stop for the past few days. Maybe that is the reason too.

Hope this is just a phase for the first week of his departure. 

For right now, till my next better… and I mean it.. better piece with positivity….