Special Feeling

Assalammualaikum Wr Wb,

It takes a lot of me to on this laptop and to write or update about my situation. I would rather just be isolated in my room not doing anything to forget about the pain.

What hurts the most is missing him a little bit more each day. Days are getting harder, nights is the hardest. Weekends is getting dull. I know I am being negative but I can’t help but to feel this way.

I just wish he would walk in the front door like he never left. He is feeling mundane at the sea now too and he misses home. 

Well, June.. please come fast for both of us…

It takes that special one to believe in you 100%. He believe in me that I can go through the labor pain without any painkiller. He believe in me that I can take care of things at home with the kids and get things going. He believe that I am strong enough.

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But what if being strong is the last thing that you have to be? What if you are tired of being strong? With all the things that is happening, I know it still takes a lot of me to handle the situation in a better way.

I have been scolding my firstborn quite a lot. And I feel sad about it. What has he done? Isn’t he just being a toddler? He is my first born. My first love. My first bond. My first son who taught me to be the person I am today. Who taught me to leave the worse for the better. My first whom I would do anything for. Why am I venting my frustration on him?

Astaghfirullah. 

I pray for a better day each day, but I am not making each day better for myself and for the kids. I have not been pumping milk well as I believe due to stress I don’t feel much of engorgement. Also, princess has been latching on non-stop for the past few days. Maybe that is the reason too.

Hope this is just a phase for the first week of his departure. 

For right now, till my next better… and I mean it.. better piece with positivity….

 

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Babbling Words

Faith. Lifestyle. Seafarer's wife. Mother. Children

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