Random Thoughts

Assalammualaikum Wr Wb

I have .. again ~ meaning to write after the event but was so tired. The next day was just a relax, lazy day for us. It was raining, the weather was nice, princess slept well thru out the day. I got my rest and nap time. Alhamdulillah.

Yesterday, it was not a good day. I hardly rest. I had to work on my online business, princess wasn’t sleeping at all, Hayden was around cause he had ulcer and was extremely cranky. I hardly eat and sleep. Very very cranky.

Some days are good, some days are bad. But I take both as a blessing. Bad days is to test on my patience. Obviously I was quiet cause I am even too tired to talk. At times I do lose my cool. Good days are for us to enjoy and be thankful of. Appreciate the day before it’s gone. Like~ you will never know when it will last as I had described it. One day it was good and you are hoping the next day it’ll be the same, but you are wrong..

Same as fate.

It came to me few days back, what will happen if I never wake up the next day and my husband is not around. Will I be able to respond to my children calling me when they wake up. What if they are helpless on seeing my lifeless body , no response from me like how I usually respond to them? What can a 4 yr old and 2 yr old toddler do to tell his uncle that I am no longer alive? Will princess keep crying for milk and I can’t go to her..?

It is not about me. It is about them. I imagine my soul being there BUT I can’t do anything. I can’t kiss them, I can’t smile at them, I can’t hug them. Seeing them seeing me lifeless. Can they go knocking at their uncle’s room door to tell him I have passed on or will they just ignored and went to the living room just like any other day – clueless kids, what can I expect right?

All this worrying .. but again I need to audit myself, what have I done to deserve a better afterlife… 

I know after I passed on, He will take care of everything that is left in this world like He always do. 

Rezeki, ajal maut ada ditangan Allah SWT. As much as we pray for rezeki, if it’s not ours, we won’t get it. As much as we worry or pray that we won’t pass on so soon, when the time comes, we can’t say “wait.. I need a little more time”

Scary isn’t it?

Till my next better piece

 

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Babbling Words

Faith. Lifestyle. Seafarer's wife. Mother. Children

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