Assalammualaikum Wr Wb,
Alhamdulillah, MR has safely arrived Songkhla last Monday.But he just board the vessel this morning. This time around a new person who was handling the crew operation and we were given heads up from him. But it was too early though. MR spent 3 days at the hotel which he could spend more time with us here. Behind all these, there is always a reason.
Now he got news that the vessels will no longer have any WIFI connection. So I guess that three days is for us to prepare in getting used to each other being away and also to use that time to contact each other more. Unlike previously, whereby he will straightaway board the vessel.
No amount of time can actually allow me to get used to it. I bet every single time he goes, I will have this “nomoodlonelysad” feelings. Yes – maybe I am aware that he won’t be around but I can still feel his presence at every inch of the house. I can just look at a space and flashback on what he used to do. Ya know like those movies whereby they flashback their memory. So yeah – I have been fighting my tears since he depart… but today my heart just filled with sadness and emptiness.
I went out thinking I could just walk around the mall with no particular direction – take a lil breather with the princess. But just walking into Kiddy Palace to get some baby stuffs remind me of him. Where he would walk and look around for toys – for them boys. So in the end, I went back in less than half an hour. In my heart, I just could not bear walking around anymore. Went back and burst into tears – coming into an empty house.
I used to enjoy walking alone , with no direction. Window shopping and all… but maybe not today. Previously for the 3 months, I think I never step into the mall for no reason. I will grab my things and went home.
But it’s kinda funny at times when he is around, we would argue and each time we argue I would be wishing for some time alone. But now that I am really alone, I just wish that he is around…sigh ~
Anyway as much as I love being home with the princess, just her and I, I am really hoping that her admission to the infant care goes well and I can return to work in 2 weeks time. Being at work – doing no work at times, can atleast take my mind off some things. It’s gonna be tough now that we can’t contact each other like how we used to… I’m not sure whether I am strong enough for this…
“Ya Allah, you know my heart more than anyone does. You know my strength more than anyone does. Please fill my heart with iman and happiness and keep me strength strong so that I won’t break.
Sampaikan rinduku padanya ~~~ aamiin.
Till my next better piece…