O.K.A.Y

Assalammualaikum Wr Wb,

Alhamdulillah for the 3rd week of ramadhan as it’s nearing  passing by.. the previous week has been challenging for me as princess was down with fever, flu and cough. 

Yeap you can say that again – all three. I don’t even know until Monday when I was sending her to school , her temperature rise up and we had to be sent home. I had to take leave for three days. 

It is tough being a full time working mom, you have to juggle between your work, your children and the chores. I was practically exerting myself to the level which I would just curl up at the corner and cry. So I decided to get a helper. It was a tough decision as I need to depend on someone cause I never really depend on anyone before. I always thought I have to do all this alone but in the end I raise up my hands and cried to him.. But I guess He was answering my prayers. He wants me to have a little bit of a time for myself. To re-collect myself as a person cause I was being this haggard person who was just living life on a routine. I was too tired to do anything else. I was rushing to get things done before the night ends.

I have been thru so much since I became a mother and I guess I just have to give this lil credit and pat on my own back and said “it is okay not to be okay~, it is okay to ask for help”

Whilst I was making a decision whether to hire the helper or not, someone told me “you boleh nampak gagah je tau wati, but I know you are tired. I know cause I have been thru what you’ve been thru..” and this got me wonder…

Was I just pretending to be strong infront of others – to show that I can handle everything whilst my husband was away? Honestly I don’t know. At times I feel disappointed at myself that I need to get “help” but at the same time I do NEED help… 

After having the helper for close to a week now, I can say I have more time with my toddler boys. Hayden has been non-stop asking me to play with him which now – I don’t feel guilty rejecting him. I can have a “fight” play with him just like how my husband used to play with him. And to see him laugh that hard after so long, only He knows what I felt at that point of time. The boys would cuddle with me and I would lie down with them. All this when chores being handled as I no need to be at the kitchen all the time and left them alone. All this when princess is asleep. I managed to entertain all three at once without worrying about chores. And the feeling was… 

BLESSED. I’m able to feel blessed all over again and I appreciate being home – I appreciate my home now..

I thank Allah for the help He has given me and I will never stop praying for a helper who would be sincerely working with me and would take care of my home and kids like her own. Alhamdulillah….

Trust not completely but it is important to have faith…. I trust in Allah SWT and I trust in doing good… He will answer your prayers if you put your trust in Him 100%…

Till my next “better” piece…

A week of Ramadhan

Assalammualaikum Wr Wb,

Alhamdulillah.. a week of ramadhan has pass. The weekdays was quite slow mo for me.. whereas weekends end in a blink.

My return to work last Monday was a smooth one. As always, people would firstly ask who will take care of the baby? I received a lot of “huh? so small go to infant care already?” C’mon.. you gonna help me look after the baby? <- my thoughts when I am tired of hearing the same thing… Next was comment about the body. Eversince my first birth, I was pressured to look the same as before. As time goes by, working out even when I am feeling tired and lazy – but it does feels good eventually. Body definitely not the same as before but I did get in shape at least. When comes to the second birth, I did not really take care of my body. This time around – I am little bit pressured, because I myself have the low esteem for my body. But the comments I received was positive – I do not know what they see but if they see it that way then it’s good enough.. haha…

So what was your first experience for this Ramadhan?

For me, my intention is to continue fasting even when I am breastfeeding. I’ve read and done research on how to maintain supply even when you are fasting. Alhamdulillah the first week I’ve made it through. On the weekends, I thought I would fast halfway as it was my first time being home with the kids while fasting. I was worried I’ll get tired and messed up – but alhamdulillah, He made it easy for me. The boys were great, the princess was just chilling.

That’s what fasting is about. To have patience when you thought you would lose it. 

Today, me and princess were sent home. Princess appear to have fever which I was not known of… I was quite upset that I have to apply an urgent leave. But then when comes to think of it, who am I to be upset and questioned on what has and will happen today? It is all written – maybe it is for the best for us.. He knows it …

Another week of fasting for us all… May Allah SWT gave us strength and perseverance to sustain our fast… Aamiin..

Till my next better piece….

 

Need A Little More Me

Assalammualaikum Wr Wb,

Pardon me if I am not a good writer. I wrote what I feel, what I experienced and based on what I thought. Language may not be perfect as some blogger. 

But this is mine. so read if you want, understand if you want. If not, then avoid this page.

Past two days, I am able to spend more time with myself… mmmm..  Not doing much of me time actually. First and foremost, I have to do chores before I am back to work this coming Monday. Cleaned up the whole house. Once by noon, I am free. By then I will be lonely and missing my kids. Kinda feel awkward yesterday when I was walking to the supermarket without the princess on my carrier. HAHA.

Princess did well in school, the only problem is that it was difficult to feed her by bottle. But alhamdulillah, after I fetched her in the evening yesterday, managed to feed her about 3 times by bottle without much struggle. So what I conclude – she might not like the taste of my frozen milks. So today, I gave all the fresh ones which I’ve pumped yesterday. Hopefully this works. I am leaving her in school for whole day just like yesterday, so that she knows in the day – no mummy – no direct latch.. =)

Having kids, at times, we need to trial and error. They can’t tell you what they want, what they prefer~  until like the age of 3-4, whereby they can at least have a proper conversation with you. Sometimes we have to change numerous bottles to see whether the baby can suckle on it. We have to try different food at 6 months of age, for a  3 days rule to see whether the baby is allergy to anything. So yea.. really hoping for good news later… 

So today is the last weekday of my materniy leave. I am back to tough routine this coming Monday.

“Ya Allah, please grant me patience and strength everyday. I really need it .”

I realized that my eldest is trying real hard to get my attention. He would call me numerous time asking me to watch the show which I turn on for them. Like I turn on the movie “CARS” for them and he would go on “mama look, car.. mama look car..” and I will be busy with the princess, all I could reply was “yeah… ” I have to admit , I do get annoyed cause I was busy aiding to princess, princess was crying and him calling me numerously… You do the imagination on how chaotic everyday is…

It’s hard and it does hurt me that I can’t divide my time with them as I need to attend to princess’s needs first.. The one whom was born first, gets the attention last. =(

Every night, I have to put princess to sleep first, then sleep beside secondborn and pretend to sleep so that he will dozed off – lastly to my eldest. He always have to wait for me to kiss and hug him to sleep before he really sleep. On good days, we would talk for a while.

I hate the feeling that I have been neglecting my two boys. Cause I can’t sit down with them to play, I can’t “fight” with them when they want to play fight. I can’t sit down for a minute to only stand the next second to do something. There is always something to do and I am not talking about chores – that~ can wait.

If MR is around, he would be entertaining the boys while I attend to princess. Oh~~ talking about MR, how I miss him.. the days pass quite slow as I felt like it’s been months since he went away. 

But then – c’mon it’s JUNE already !! The year does pass quickly, we are already halfway in 2016…

End of June is secondborn 2nd birthday, time to start planning what should I do for his birthday.

So how was my first half of my year 2016:

  • surpised my Hubby’s comeback
  • experienced waterbag burst for the first time
  • endured labour pain for 8 whole hours without any painkiller
  • gave birth to a beautiful princess

And now cheers to end of maternity leave *cheers*. Me and princess have done well together. and also cheers to 3 months of breastfeeding.

Breastfeeding is hard, when you have to feed and at the same time entertaining two toddlers. But alhamdullillah, He have grant me patience.

But this time around, my aim to be 2 yrs in sha allah… but if happen that my rezeki stop at 6 months – at least it is not that bad…

To another half a year of 2016… 

Till my next better piece… 

 

Struggle is R.E.A.L

Assalammualaikum Wr. Wb

I am going to write a little something something, short and sweet I hope~cause I am feeling exhausted…

A lot of things is going thru in my life.. mmmm well to think about it, it is just ONE thing..

BUT…… a lot of preparation while going thru this one thing…

That is the enrollment of princess to the infant care…. 

Alhamdulillah, she has her placement and actually today was her first day. She did well except for she refused to drink my milk from the bottle.

Eversince being a mother, I have joined a lot of forums where mummies would share their problems, their opinions etc.. So a lot suggested I should keep on latching – which is okay by me, just slip and latch – easy job… Then they suggested, I should have someone to help me with training her to bottle feed. In my mind was always-WHO? So scratched that…

Basically I have no one when I was training her and boy did she cried bloody murder… in the end, I let her latch….

So today the teachers was trying very hard to feed her, which I have to say it does takes a lot of your time and patience so kudos to them *clap clap*.. And they told me to start bottle feed her for this two days before I am off to work this coming Monday..

oh WORK…. I do not know what to say about this.. I have a love-hate relationship with this one… Love cause I am being paid. Hate – a lot of things…. HAHA…

Okay ~ I should be thankful that I have a job and there will be others who till now is jobless 

The struggle is real people.

  • getting princess to drink from bottle
  • to pump constantly at night to provide her fresh milk (not cow milk)
  • start work – morning and evening rush
  • to get into an MRT – empty trains would be great
  • to stand all the way – makes me realize I am no longer pregnant..
  • to put the boys to bed early every single night – without having to scold them
  • chores after everyone’s asleep

First to wake up and last to sleep

Sometimes I wonder what I got myself into….. *thinking hard*

May HE ease my affairs.. aamiin~

Till my next better piece…