O.K.A.Y

Assalammualaikum Wr Wb,

Alhamdulillah for the 3rd week of ramadhan as it’s nearing  passing by.. the previous week has been challenging for me as princess was down with fever, flu and cough. 

Yeap you can say that again – all three. I don’t even know until Monday when I was sending her to school , her temperature rise up and we had to be sent home. I had to take leave for three days. 

It is tough being a full time working mom, you have to juggle between your work, your children and the chores. I was practically exerting myself to the level which I would just curl up at the corner and cry. So I decided to get a helper. It was a tough decision as I need to depend on someone cause I never really depend on anyone before. I always thought I have to do all this alone but in the end I raise up my hands and cried to him.. But I guess He was answering my prayers. He wants me to have a little bit of a time for myself. To re-collect myself as a person cause I was being this haggard person who was just living life on a routine. I was too tired to do anything else. I was rushing to get things done before the night ends.

I have been thru so much since I became a mother and I guess I just have to give this lil credit and pat on my own back and said “it is okay not to be okay~, it is okay to ask for help”

Whilst I was making a decision whether to hire the helper or not, someone told me “you boleh nampak gagah je tau wati, but I know you are tired. I know cause I have been thru what you’ve been thru..” and this got me wonder…

Was I just pretending to be strong infront of others – to show that I can handle everything whilst my husband was away? Honestly I don’t know. At times I feel disappointed at myself that I need to get “help” but at the same time I do NEED help… 

After having the helper for close to a week now, I can say I have more time with my toddler boys. Hayden has been non-stop asking me to play with him which now – I don’t feel guilty rejecting him. I can have a “fight” play with him just like how my husband used to play with him. And to see him laugh that hard after so long, only He knows what I felt at that point of time. The boys would cuddle with me and I would lie down with them. All this when chores being handled as I no need to be at the kitchen all the time and left them alone. All this when princess is asleep. I managed to entertain all three at once without worrying about chores. And the feeling was… 

BLESSED. I’m able to feel blessed all over again and I appreciate being home – I appreciate my home now..

I thank Allah for the help He has given me and I will never stop praying for a helper who would be sincerely working with me and would take care of my home and kids like her own. Alhamdulillah….

Trust not completely but it is important to have faith…. I trust in Allah SWT and I trust in doing good… He will answer your prayers if you put your trust in Him 100%…

Till my next “better” piece…

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Babbling Words

Faith. Lifestyle. Seafarer's wife. Mother. Children

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