My Answer

Assalammualaikum everyone

I am feeling a little bit “rajin” tonight so gonna blog a little bit on what I have been thru as a seafarer’s wife….

Basically the Mister came back last year around September , if I’m not wrong. And he was off again on November. And this time around, it will be 6 months voyage.

So… it has been about 2 and a half months now… and his vessel is currently sailing towards Singapore for now, from China. What I like about this vessel and alhamdulillah, even though we are miles apart for a month, whenever his vessel were to port at Singapore, he is allowed to be on shore leave.

Does not matter how many hours, I am just happy enough that he can see us, especially the kids.

Again, each timeI have people asking me about how do I cope with the kids without him? How do you even able to be without him? “Well I can’t be without my husband even for one night” she said!

Initially I can’t be without my husband even for one night. Yes I was like any other lady who is clingy with the husband. I remembered when he was on course at Batam for 2 days. One the morning he left, I already missed him so much, I cried badly and trying to struggle taking care of Minion 2. (Maybe because I was pregnant ah that time… hehe)

Thinking about it was just hilarious.

Anyhoos the first time he went away for 3 months and I was about 5 months pregnant that time, I felt alone. I felt down. I felt I just could not manage two elder minions on my own. I felt like I am going to suck big time being a mother to them.

I could not control my anger. I could not control any of my emotions. At times I feel good, at times I feel moody. And sadly, I vent my mood on my two elder minions (yes I do feel guilty which I cried everytime they went to sleep)

This was going on everyday for a week. I decided that I CANNOT BE LIKE THIS! That I am stronger than this. So I get my mood back, get distracted with work, get more socialize with my friends, getting my in laws to look after the minions while I have some time out.

At the same time, in this very situation, I turned to ALLAH and Quran as my companionship.Each time I missed the Mister and feeling down, only Him can make me feel better. And I realized that, maybe, just maybe, our life turned out like this to make us love HIM more, to make us miss each other, to make us love each other more. And to make us longing for each other and on a mercy of ALLAH swt to keep our partner safe and sound.

So now, I have the answer to the question on “How do you do it?”

My answer will be…

Cause I have ALLAH swt.

Till my next better piece…

XoXo

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Blessed Journey

Assalammualaikum everyone

Today is sucha good morning with heavy downpours but it wasn’t that good because.. I got splashed by oncoming vehicles.

Yeap! But lucky me I wasn’t that drenched…

Moving on, it’s a Monday morning. I was tired for the weekend and was struck by the migraine yesterday and the boys had to test my patience. BUT… it’s all good now…

I went on a date with Minion 1 since this Sunday I do not need to handover to his dad. We just went out to run some of my errands – TT money to my supplier and mails all the packages to my customers. After that, we went for an ice cream and walked around a little bit and head home. 

I am trying my best to make time individually to all three – well I date Minion 3 the most cause we are still on this blessed journey of breastfeeding. IT IS HARD… I never knew I could make it this far but I did anyway.. Alhamdulillah for the rezeki that is bestowed upon me to provide for my Minion 3. 

So it is my usual routine to pump whenever I am at work – I have cut down from 3 to 2 pumping session as I literally have no time to pump since work compiled. And direct latch whenever I am home and when I am out with her… 

Waking up is hard because I will wake up to body aches, muscle cramps and … still ongoing latching baby (like she is taking forever). Everyday is a struggle but it is a blessing. I’ve always wanted to make it to 2 years if she behaved by not biting me…. hee

AND AND… speaking about biting, finally there is two growth of teeth on her gum. But no… alhamdulillah~ I did not get any biting from her, only pinching while latching and it is equivalent to biting.

SERIOUSLY IT HURTS!!

By the way, I was on course for the whole week of last week and there is no fridge or anything to store my milk. I had to cut down to only 1 pumping session during lunch, had to ask permission from the admin office every time. Pumping session with freemie cups will be longer than usual bottles because of the suction. So usually my pumping session will be 20 – 30 mins. Then I have about 15 mins to eat my lunch – good thing that I am a fast eater. And head back to class.

Had to rush home cause am afraid for the ice packs to melt. But so far so good, had dinner with 2 of my friends and it lasted but nearing melting. As long as my milk is still on a chill temperature, it was fine.

People were telling me “yea.. that’s hard about breastfeeding – you have to consider in so many things – like where to pump, how to store, you have to carry alot of bags.. etc”

But to me, I just have to manage my time. I have to calculate from what time did I took out my icepacks and until when it will last. I just lump my things in my big Anello bags and I am good to go. Because I hate carrying too many bags (except for shopping bags… hee)

So for upcoming breastfeeding mums – just don’t think too much. Everywhere you go just carry this of things and you are good for the day :- 

  • your pump
  • milk bags (very important as I am one of those forgetful moms)
  • bottles/freemie cups
  • nursing cover (in case for desperate measures – it comes in handy)
  • water bottle (drink up babes!)

And you can go to Carousell or Qoo10 to look for Anello Bags which comes in handy. When I go to work, I used Vcool Cooler Bag (as per picture) which is separated from my handbags. But whenever I go to other places, I would just use my mini Munchkin cooler bag which can be placed inside my Anello Bags (as per picture)

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And you can see my Anello backpack at the back ..

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(Yeap, me and nursing rooms are inseparable – for now….  )

And you can’t actually tell that I am pumping cause I am using Freemie Cups. It is good for outdoor pumping and on desk pumping for working mums. Here’s the link which you can check it out if you consider on it:

https://www.google.com.sg/search?q=freemie+collection+cup&biw=1366&bih=638&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwi6uayhttfRAhVDtY8KHeIuAQ8Q_AUICCgB#imgrc=lh6iQVFcTwErAM%3A

So braced yourself, mummies and enjoy this journey while you can… and mind if I tell you, every baby is different. Not all can direct latched once they are out from the belly. So.. don’t be too hard on yourself – cause I have come across some moms that are hard on themselves and they feel useless… which is nuisance to me. 

I can’t breastfeed my Minion 2 because he was difficult to manage and keep unlatching himself which got me frustrated. It takes alot of patience which I admit that I do not have it in me that point of time. So to each of it’s own ya… 😉

Anyhoos – for those who are still on this journey, be proud of yourself – cause I know I am. I chose not to look at the quantity but on the quality of it.

Jia You !

Till my next better piece….

 

Xoxo

 

Oh my minions, slow down already

Assalammualaikum everyone!!

So I am stuck in the train right now for the past half an hour due to some train fault (not my prob) and am late for class….

Good thing now we, classmates have a group chat which was created by one of us, easy to update them that some west siders are stuck in the train.

Damn, I should have written this half an hour ago now I am only left with 1 station -_-

Okay okay, quick one….

My children, who I prefer to call minions because if you watch the movie Minions – well they are kinda similar. Silly, Clumsy, Non-Stop Blabbering and hey, my children speaks Minion language (that only the Mother HAVE to understand, unfortunately)

Update: I am in class already 

Minion 1 is already in K1 class this year. Minion 2 in Playgroup class. And Minion 3 still remain at Infant Class.

Their developments : Minion 1 is good at memorizing and he remembers everything ! Like.. “Mama teacher Mei said no white uniform, must orange uniform, u buy ok”

So with this, atleast I know he remembers and can relate to me. Everyday without fail, I would ask him how was school and what he do at school. And his story telling is perfecto eventhough some words are still not clear, but understandable. As the teacher have said, he will have no problem with his Oral in future … haha

Minion 2 – this cute and slumber kid starting to speak in full sentences. Eventhough it’s still not so clear, at this age, I would say he is better than Minion 1. Minion 2 is so “berat mulut” like his parents, so at times I can see that he is just lazy to open his mouth to talk and just slurred the words with his tongue.

Minion 3 – oh so graceful princess… starting to crawl longer distance, hold support to stand, stand on her own for quite a long time, clap her hands, starts waving, flying kisses and blabbering. Can’t get enough of this lady…

Last two days, I do not know what came up on me. I realized that in my IG, I posted 3k photos. Like oh my, even artiste does not have that much photos. Haha.

So thought of deleting SOME and I ended up deleting 2k photos. Fuh~. 1k photos in my IG is such coolness to my eyes.

I came across old videos of Minion 1, when he was only a year old, blabbering and with his own silly acts. I cried watching the videos. He was sucha happy baby…. already turning 5 this year

Oh my minions…. slow down already… you three are still and forever my babies.

I feel guilty EVERYTIME i am harsh on them, believe me I do. At times I am so stressed up or I am “overly touched” by them as soon as I sat down on the sofa, I get so worked up and anxious. I have no idea why.

So nowadays, once I reach home, I will take 15 mins or more to myself, with my room locked. Shower, Pray and Pump out milk (yes I am still breastfeeding – more on my breastfeeding journey soon)

For now… it’s tea break time ~~~

Till my next better piece…

 

 

XoXo

 

 

Take a leap of faith

Okay so it has been half a year since my last update.

How on point, just earlier today, I was sending my other collegues our old photos with our Late Sharifah around – refer to my previous post

Anyhoos, so what has been going on for the past 6 months…

I’ve resigned from my 9 years career in Tokio Marine Insurance in Sept 2016, hopped t0 First Capital Insurance where I thought I would work as long as I did in TMIS.

BUT….. it turned out wrong…

Basically it was something that I wanted to do for a long time (the jobscope I meant..), I don’t go for the salary wise (yes I am stupid like that….) because they offer me peanuts by the way… and… obviously not the designation cause I don’t believe in higher designation makes you a better person or have a better authority on something..

So I thought I would just, ya know, get the experienced and then moved to a better place. But the environment got the best of me, I was literally bringing work home, mentally and would even dreamt of work. Sucha  wrong lifestyle, I am already stressed at home, I would not want to bring another stress from work.

So after weeks of thinking, I thought I should just work with my mother who is running a business. Eventhough I have no experienced or whatsoever, I am still young right, my brain need to work on something new.

Took the leap of faith and voila.. here I am after a month. Doing okay, at times stressful but not as stressful as my previous job..

Updates on my minions…. they are growing up so fast and I am just surprised to know how much they have learnt in school…

Will update tomorrow In sha allah as homework time with the elder one is over and now it’s bedtime…

Till my next better piece…

 

XoXo

Temporary

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Assalammualaikum WrWb,

Alhamdulillah another week has passed and we are left with 2 more days of fasting (excluding today)

My crib is pretty much ready for Raya. I managed to do 2 kuehs, the rest was bought by my father. Alhamdulillah.

Today I am gonna say what has been in my chest for the past two days.

We all know that nothing last forever. Happiness does not last forever, soon you will be sad. Money does not last forever, soon you will have to spend it. Life does not last forever, soon you will be dead.

I’ve lost a friend whom I’ve known for years while working. My collegues are more like my friends as we pretty much see each other everyday. This late friend of mine passed on Friday evening. After all the shock, I came to realize she was chosen on Ramadhan and a blessed Friday. Alhamdulillah. We were not that close, we have our differences. I was once known as a girl who does not talk much and don’t really handle other people’s bullshit well. She has flaws and some things she has done that makes me build a wall around myself. But then, we still have fun together when we were in a group. We went for company’s trip together.We had fun during dinner after work before I had my first son.

When I learnt more about how I should be around people, how I should not be egoistic in thinking or judging others –  who am I to say what she did was wrong? Have I not done wrong all my life? Nauzubillah, maybe my sins weighs more than hers. That’s when I became more socialize with people and not to judge based on what I see or hear. 

My biggest regret – is that I am unable to seek forgiveness for the wrong that I have done towards her. Whether is is from the front, back, up or down, I have wronged her. And I feel bummed that Allah SWT does not give me a chance to apologize to her.

This made me realized, whatever we do in life, we should never wrong others. Be it spouse, family members or friends. WHOEVER we meet in life. 

This year, my mission is to put ego aside and own up to my wrong. It’s never shameful o be the first to apologize. Life is TEMPORARY, how long would you want to remain the same.

One day you will see the world and have a whole lot of plans ahead of you, another second, minute, hour or a day, you may only find yourself looking at your lifeless body.

Astaghfirullah Al’adzhim

“Semoga Allah SWT tempatkan kau disisi orang-orang yang beriman. Tenanglah kau disana, Sharifah Yasmin Arfah”

Till my next better piece…

O.K.A.Y

Assalammualaikum Wr Wb,

Alhamdulillah for the 3rd week of ramadhan as it’s nearing  passing by.. the previous week has been challenging for me as princess was down with fever, flu and cough. 

Yeap you can say that again – all three. I don’t even know until Monday when I was sending her to school , her temperature rise up and we had to be sent home. I had to take leave for three days. 

It is tough being a full time working mom, you have to juggle between your work, your children and the chores. I was practically exerting myself to the level which I would just curl up at the corner and cry. So I decided to get a helper. It was a tough decision as I need to depend on someone cause I never really depend on anyone before. I always thought I have to do all this alone but in the end I raise up my hands and cried to him.. But I guess He was answering my prayers. He wants me to have a little bit of a time for myself. To re-collect myself as a person cause I was being this haggard person who was just living life on a routine. I was too tired to do anything else. I was rushing to get things done before the night ends.

I have been thru so much since I became a mother and I guess I just have to give this lil credit and pat on my own back and said “it is okay not to be okay~, it is okay to ask for help”

Whilst I was making a decision whether to hire the helper or not, someone told me “you boleh nampak gagah je tau wati, but I know you are tired. I know cause I have been thru what you’ve been thru..” and this got me wonder…

Was I just pretending to be strong infront of others – to show that I can handle everything whilst my husband was away? Honestly I don’t know. At times I feel disappointed at myself that I need to get “help” but at the same time I do NEED help… 

After having the helper for close to a week now, I can say I have more time with my toddler boys. Hayden has been non-stop asking me to play with him which now – I don’t feel guilty rejecting him. I can have a “fight” play with him just like how my husband used to play with him. And to see him laugh that hard after so long, only He knows what I felt at that point of time. The boys would cuddle with me and I would lie down with them. All this when chores being handled as I no need to be at the kitchen all the time and left them alone. All this when princess is asleep. I managed to entertain all three at once without worrying about chores. And the feeling was… 

BLESSED. I’m able to feel blessed all over again and I appreciate being home – I appreciate my home now..

I thank Allah for the help He has given me and I will never stop praying for a helper who would be sincerely working with me and would take care of my home and kids like her own. Alhamdulillah….

Trust not completely but it is important to have faith…. I trust in Allah SWT and I trust in doing good… He will answer your prayers if you put your trust in Him 100%…

Till my next “better” piece…

A week of Ramadhan

Assalammualaikum Wr Wb,

Alhamdulillah.. a week of ramadhan has pass. The weekdays was quite slow mo for me.. whereas weekends end in a blink.

My return to work last Monday was a smooth one. As always, people would firstly ask who will take care of the baby? I received a lot of “huh? so small go to infant care already?” C’mon.. you gonna help me look after the baby? <- my thoughts when I am tired of hearing the same thing… Next was comment about the body. Eversince my first birth, I was pressured to look the same as before. As time goes by, working out even when I am feeling tired and lazy – but it does feels good eventually. Body definitely not the same as before but I did get in shape at least. When comes to the second birth, I did not really take care of my body. This time around – I am little bit pressured, because I myself have the low esteem for my body. But the comments I received was positive – I do not know what they see but if they see it that way then it’s good enough.. haha…

So what was your first experience for this Ramadhan?

For me, my intention is to continue fasting even when I am breastfeeding. I’ve read and done research on how to maintain supply even when you are fasting. Alhamdulillah the first week I’ve made it through. On the weekends, I thought I would fast halfway as it was my first time being home with the kids while fasting. I was worried I’ll get tired and messed up – but alhamdulillah, He made it easy for me. The boys were great, the princess was just chilling.

That’s what fasting is about. To have patience when you thought you would lose it. 

Today, me and princess were sent home. Princess appear to have fever which I was not known of… I was quite upset that I have to apply an urgent leave. But then when comes to think of it, who am I to be upset and questioned on what has and will happen today? It is all written – maybe it is for the best for us.. He knows it …

Another week of fasting for us all… May Allah SWT gave us strength and perseverance to sustain our fast… Aamiin..

Till my next better piece….